Thoughts of a "disiilusioned" mind.

(Note: After you read the first paragraph, please stop and think whether you want to read further or not. If you happen to read even one line into the next para, I sincerely request you to go till the very end of this post and bear with me even if the reading becomes a tad bit boring in the middle.)

Many a times in life, one is faced with situations, which completely shake the very foundation on which one’s believes stand. It makes them lose complete faith in the entire system which runs it. I can feel myself being faced with a similar situation and this time it is the Indian Education System which has disillusioned me.

This declaration of mine might be received with a lot of disappointed sighs and nodding of heads from all those Blog Readers who had expected me to be disillusioned by something more worthy of disillusionment. I mean, The Indian education system is like this very old topic which is debated on, each year, around the month of april-may, when the admission fever is on an all time high and dies down as august approaches, taking down with it probably millions of aspirations, hard-earned money and a lot of criticism. Each year, these kind of topics get a lot of media attention and hype (creating hype is something that media has become extremely good at.), which include interviews of principals, and ministers, parents and students.

The principals of colleges are bound by the rules laid by the government (in case of govt colleges) or the trustees (in case of the private ones). The government (and the trustees) are hypnotized and kept in control by the ministers and other ‘influential’ people who, in turn, dance to the tune of money and status. The parents are bound by love for their children and a hope to help them in every possible way, so that they can kick start their carrier well, and of course, it is also slightly influenced by their neighbor’s or friend’s child’s performance :P The ones left are the students who are also now divided into three categories, from the previously defined two categories (thankz to the hon’ble minster Mr. Arjun Singh), and those three categories are- the ones who work their asses out and manage to get admission into a respectable college; the ones who may or may not have slogged but still get admission into respectable colleges because they (or rather their parents) have the moolah to shell out, and the third category is the now-even-more-popular-than-Shahrukh khan-category - the OBCs, who can get admission without working hard or shelling out a penny (if they want to) because the number of seats now reserved for them, must be leaving little scope for too many of them to be left disappointed.

Okay, for a moment, let us just forget the Quota crap and all the pre-admission turmoil. After one manages to get admission into a decent college, the question that arises is, how decent is the level of education going to be and how much future security lies in it? Today, I was going through some resumes for my uncle, who had asked me to sort out the candidates on the basis of their qualification into two groups- MBA and Engineering grads. Initially I did not give much thought to it. But when I started going through the resumes, I was really zapped reading the names of the colleges and universities. 80% institutes fell in the category of those of which I had never in my life heard of. I actually began to question the authenticity of the large number of so-called engineering institutes that have been mushrooming all over the place and an ever increasing number of students going in for such options. Do even half those people want to do engineering in the first place? Or have they been compelled by the employer’s preference towards engineering and MBA grads? And to tell you the truth, i was told point blank on my face that only those candidates who have passed out from "decent" colleges will be considered for the job. In such a case what about the other so-called engineering and MBA grads?

Its actually not funny how commercialized and expensive education has become. Get into this field and u get the Midas’ touch. Recently a friend of mine, who did not perform well academically, was trying the management quota way, to get into a college here. Before he and his parents entered the admission in charge’s room to discuss matters of give and take, they were scanned for hidden cameras and their cell phones were kept outside. Believe me; I was really shocked and slightly amused at how low the value of education had fallen. Had the lessons taught in the classrooms been something out of the world, then I would have understood all this hysteria. But, the tragedy here is that, the lessons taught in the colleges are also so vague and insufficient, that in most cases students take out side help (read tuitions, which is another booming industry) to pass even the university papers. The amount spent on tutoring the child before appearing for common entrance tests, needs a whole new post to be dedicated to it, in order to do justice to it. People who have got into jobs will very well be privy to the fact that classroom teaching is no where close to the actual practical work. When I think of the time I had gone through, before I finally got admission into my college, I still get the creeps. I still shudder at how crazy it all had been.

The Indian Education System has been SO badly raped, that it is gonna take ages to set it right. But there has to be a beginning somewhere. If our respectable Prime Minister would concentrate even an iota of what he is doing on the Nuclear Deal, on cleansing the educational system on India, then the Indians would definitely be a happier lot. As for me, I will get back to college next week, get up at 8 and attend classes( only physically), sit in the last bench and play hollywood-bolly-wood, or the name game; or better still, think about some cute guy, while the teacher rambles about some utterly unintelligible stuff and as of now, I can only shudder at how bad things are, rethink my reason for becoming an engineering student and for not getting into journalism (as I initially wanted to) and keep posting bout it hoping that at least 2 out of every 10 readers would have the patience to “read” me out.

R n R (Roadies and Raghu)

Iam not sure, if I contribute even an iota to the viewership of MTV HeroHonda Roadies (hope I got the entire name correct) and form a part of the millions who watch it open mouthed, seated at the edge of their seats, their backs bent forward in interest, with hundreds of multicolored , animated visions flashing past their already-overexcited cerebrums, where they imagine themselves to be right there and doing it all.

No! iam not here to express my keen desire to be a Roadie, coz I have none such desires, neither am I gonna criticize the judges or the tasks that the contestants are made to do, because I feel all of them they have an idea about what they are getting into and hence I have no right to comment on their decision.

I am here to give my opinion on one one of the esteemed judges- Raghu.

I admit I have not been a regular viewer of this show in the past, owing to certain unavoidable reasons, but now, in college, when I got hold of the audition episodes of this show, I couldnot help but get hooked on to it. I remember, two years ago, when I first saw the auditions, I couldnot help but sympathize with the contestants who were mercilessly grilled by Raghu. It was beyond my comprehension as to how someone could be so rude towards people, unnecessarily creating a commotion. But now, when I see the auditions for roadies 5.0 taking place, iam actually amazed by how much good it does to the contestants who get a chance to have a interview with the judges. It is very obvious that most of the people who want to get into this show, are not very clear bout why they wanna do it, save the fame and money part involved with it and whether they have it in them or not. After getting a good dose of character analysis from the judges, iam sure a person with an attitude open to self-improvement, will do very well for himself in the future.

I must admit, I was really awed by Raghu’s sharp sense of analysis and the frank way with which he expressed his opinions. There are very few people in this world who actually give a true and unbiased opinion on things and undoubtedly, Raghu currently tops my list of such people. I actually feel he is a very good judge of character. Being rude and testing the patience of the contestants, forms an inseparable part of his job, which I think he executes magnificently. On top of that, from some recent episodes that I saw, I feel he makes an excellent counselor, though a very harsh one. I have never come across a person who is so sure of himself, has his fundas crystal clear and has confidence oozing out of every cell of his body. U know, I have heard of most of the contestants biting their finger nails and almost peeing in their pants at the thought of their encounter with Raghu ? But I think he will be a very interesting person to meet……

just a thought

Days are passing like crazy. Cant believe iam already nearing the end of may!! Kiran desai’s “inheritance of loss” has kept me busy since a couple of days, i.e after I returned back from my “extended” vacation (as sn likes to put it). Apart from the regular net surfing er…well orkutting has been happening at quite a rapid pace as well. And yeah… I must mention that sn has got thru “the best” law college in the country but we poor souls have not been considered worthy of a even a small treatL *sigh*.

While iam still on tenterhooks, having no clue what my results will turn out to be like, people all around me have been celebrating, the reason being their results, which have been quite satisfying (or so they say). I admire the sheer hard heartedness of all those people associated with my board, who think its good to delay results and think they are being nice and kind by being the last ones in the whole country to declare results. Pathetic!!! The alternation between hope and despair, is sure as hell, wrecking my nerves.

Yesterday, I was watching Indian Idol (which,btw, is the only tv show I watch these days.) It is one of those very few shows where the viewer doesnot know whether to happy for the selected candidates or feel sad for those who could not make it. There is such a heavy dose of emotions associated with it, that people who are so very use to Ekta Kapoor and her saas-bahu serials, are also awed by it. On seeing the contestants wait for their results, I couldnot help but compare my condition to their. I could actually understand what they might be feeling and trust me, it doesnot feel very good.

NEWS channels or bollywood agents??

Height of idiocy!!! Seriously!! These days news channels have nothing better to do.

Abhu got up early on Friday and tuned in to MTV for their kick ass mornings. (must mention that this really reminds Abhu of suk :D ) so basically, after hearing to a few numbers while finishing up her daily activities, abhu switched on to a news channel to catch up with the world she is suppose to be living in(as she prefers to lives in her own little world most of the time:D) lo and behold!!! It was not the usual “so-and-so party calling a strike” or Mr. Arjun singh presenting another of his *ahem* proposals. Rather, the news channel was airing a special program on the “WEDDING OF THE DECADE”. Yes folks!! Its all about “the most eligible bachelor” in the country (and for some, even in the world) getting married to the dainty damsel Ms. Aishwary Rai ( to-be bachchan)

All the hype is understandable. Afterall its “abhishek” getting married (or is it because its former miss world -aishwarya getting married??? Iam confused!!!) no..no..people. It is because BOTH are getting married:P

So basically…this program contained all the details of the marriage (or rather all the details the the media could get hold of) From a view of the mandap at the bachchan residence, to an “exclusive” interview of the gardener who was preparing special mehendi leaves “so that the colour of Ms Rai’s hands enchants everybody who see’s it “ (this is the english version of what the news channel said). Not to forget the tailor who is stitching the sherwani for Jr.bachchan. The special program had it all. Maybe even more, coz I didn’t see the show from the beginning.

I have absolutely no problem if people are SO interested to know about all this. But what pisses me off the most is that it’s the NEWS CHANNELS which are doing it. Is our country, and for that matter the whole world, facing such a dearth of problems which need attention that they have shifted their focus to such events? Its ridiculous!!! Don’t we have enough programs dealing with bollywood gossip?? There mustn’t be any single channel existing which does not play host to such a program. Abhu thinks that it is the work of those programs to showcase such details. As it is the media has turned into nothing more than a robot who simply informs the people of what has been happening. Earlier, it use to be the media which use to be used to make things happen. Didn’t it play such an important role in our freedom struggle?? Wasn’t THAT the power the media held?? Haven’t they spent enough time already, running behind the duo and their family all over the country, as they visited temples?? Hasn’t all the match-making over the years satiated their greed to get their TRP’s soaring??

Even the recent news of more killing –kidnapping in Ranchi and Bihar isn’t enough to keep them from airing their “special program”. And iam not talking of a single channel. In the evening, there were four other channels airing similar things. They even got a numerologist to predict Ms. Rai’s future in the Bachchan family, which according to the numerologist, would be similar to that of her would-be mother-in-law. Phew!!! I am stumped. I know that India is quite a bolly-savvy nation but there is a limit to everything. Agreed that the competition is tough, but give us a break!! Arent the hundred ads which the show after every 10mins of news reporting irritating enough?? Moreover aren’t the celebrities’ human-beings afterall?? I don’t know which way things are heading to. But its certainly appalling to see the level to which News channels have fallen to, just to increase their TRPs.

Life beyond examz

Phew!!! Examz are finally over (atleast for the time being). Actually they were over three days back :P I am now in fulltoo enjoyment mood. I don’t feel like looking at my book cupboard. Even my room is upset at having lost a full time companion coz its been three days since I have spent quality time in my room. And this is saying something considering that I use to be cooped up in my room for most part of the day, till the 8^th.

But I have managed to clean up my room, which, believe me, was in a mess. I know certain people feel that MY room being in a mess means just 1 book slightly displaced from the shelf, but no. see the pics yourself. This, by my standard, is COMPLETE MESS !!!!!!

Anyways. So basically I have been really busy doing loads of stuff these days. That is, apart from brooding over my terrible IIT entrance, which deserves atleast a small mention here, considering that I had really been worked up bout it.

But I have moved on and I have been trying to turn over a new leaf. What better way to start my “zindagi sudharo” abhyan than by learning to cook!!! Yes folks. I have finally entered the kitchen. And when abhu enters the kitchen she doesnot cook anything ordinary. So basically I started with baking a cake. Yes!!! I baked a cake. Doesn’t it look yum???? Heehee!! But cakes don’t last long in our house. I bet I wont find I single piece to eat by tomorrow (i.e if I don’t tell anybody that I have baked it:P) but trust me, its tasting superb. Iam myself surprised at my culinary skills . Heehee!! Though I must mention that I wouldn’t have been able to make it without my mom’s guidance. And by the way sn… our “mission” has gone for a toss, atleast as far as I am concerned.

I have also been catching up with my long list of pending movies-to-be-seen

And have also started reading John Grisham. Iam yet to add a few new songs to my Mp3 player . I have my cupboard to clean. I have to go shopping. Oh!! Yes!! I haven’t done that since AGES!!!

Basically, I have my long list of things to be done and iam enjoying every bit of it.

Today... Not My Day !!!!

Maybe, its one of my “weird moodswings”, but I suddenly find this world to be quite hostile and foreboding.

-Yesterday, I switched on the TV to find all channels flooded with news about Bob woolmers death under “mysterious circumstances”, with the police suspecting foul play.

But I did not pay much attention to it then.

-today, the entire morning, I have been hearing about the new developments in this case, and can feel myself shudder at the uncertainty of life, or rather I should say,at the uncertainty of death.

-not to forget the new developments in the Nithari serial killings. It shows just how brutal ,savage and barbarous human beings can become.

-then the trial of Praveen Mahajan. Can one trust anybody in this world?????

- to add to all this, as I opened the newpaper in the morning today, there was this huge article about an engineering student being abducted and being brutally murdered, possibly by his friends. Phew!!! See..i told u, it was better to be insane, than to have a mind and think about and understand all this. It makes life even more difficult.

-and…well…I finished a Sidney Sheldon book, yesterday morning, which dealt with 3 cases of murder and castration, by a woman, who had MPD (multiple personality disorder). And her motive behind these murders was even more ghastly.

-I did try to turn my mind away from all this and changed the channel to MTV. But, they played 3 songs in succession, which made me even surer of the fact that the world was definitely NOT on my side that day. Those 3 songs (which I better not mention), made me feel even worse, bringing out certain memories which I would conveniently like to forget.

-I wish this had been it. But NO….how could I be at peace??? I switched the TV off, and plugged on my MP3 player. Music always makes me feel better:D but today, I s’pose nothing can make me feel gud. As I DJd the player , it played the worse song it possibly could have. Actually, I really like dat song, but for that moment, I was probably not best choice. It was a ghazal by Jagjit Singh. (he’s damn gud. Trust me!!), with the lyrics…

“hum jise gunguna nahin sakte…..

hum jise gunguna nahin sakte…..

waqt ne aisa geet kyon gaya…

zingadi dhoop, tum Ghana saaya…

tum ko dekha toh yeh khayal aaya…”

(lol!!! Okay. For all u non-ghazal lovers, this must be quite boring, but I really love his ghazals.)

-while iam still at how bad the world is, I might as well mention my cell phone which has also turned hostile towards me. I refuses to get properly charged, automatically gets switched off when a call comes, and keeps getting hung:(

- now…even my “dear” comp seems to have turned his face away from me, coz it has become extremely slow I am typing this out at the rate of 20 letters per minute.

p.s- i just recieved ANOTHER and hopefully the last packet from FIITJEE, with all papers and stuff, which iam s'pose to solve before i encounter "the demon" on 8th april. but...this has left me feeling even more guilty. A tiny voice in my head tells me," i should be studying now, rather than blogging."

The Last Time

Why does evrything in this world have a last time to it? Both good and bad thing in life, have to have a last time to them. You realize that what had been happening wont happen any longer. If it marks an end to certain miseries and the bad days of one’s life, then “the last” day is most welcome. But why do the happy moments also have a last time??

Yes…I may not be intelligible to anyone reading this, but today, I write this post in a very nostalgic mood. It feels very weird. I know that changes are a part of life and one must learn to graciously accept them and mould oneself according to what lies ahead. Yet, anything I think, fails to pacify me. Maybe it is because I am a Capri.(Yes, it very true that your sun sign speaks volumes about your behaviour and reaction toward situations. Sn, will u vouch for that please??) Read any Linda stuff and u’ll agree that capris do find it difficult to start their lives all over again, in a completely different environment, specially, if they are very happy with the way things had been shaping up.(no people.u are reading the right stuff. This is MY blog. Not sn’s. I have also got a lot into astro, u know:P)

I remember my last day in school. It was like a tradition and a fashion to cry on the last day of school. Everyone, including my teachers, thought that I would be one of the first ones to break into sobs. But they were terribly surprised to see my wishing everyone adieu with a BIG 100mega watt smile on my face. Infact, I had a few classmates even tell me that they never expected me to leave school that way. But the truth was that I was extremely happy to leave school coz I knew that future could definitely not be worse than the last 4 years of my school life.

But I cant say the same today.i think I have enjoyed every bit of the last two years of my life. I might have been living in a fantasy world all through, but I at least had the freedom to dream. I was able to express myself the way I wanted to. People knew me for what I was and how I did , rather than nurture preconceived notions about me.

But the good things in life always come to an end faster. They are always in a hurry to reach the finishing line. And today, I think I have reached that line. But I am not going to brood over what I am leaving behind. Rather, I am going to move ahead with all the good experiences (and a few of the not so pleasant ones as well) that I have had so that in future, I can always look back at these two years and know that it will bring a smile to my face:)

Lot has happened over the past few weeks. Um even more close to my exams and I don’t know what um doing (definitely NOT studying). It’s very weird when people, who meet me, keep hinting that I look anything but a student whose going to appear for her BOARD exams in less than 3 weeks. The weird part about is that I know that I should be feeling guilty but I actually don’t feel anything. It is as if I’ve become immune to everything. That ive been acting like a zombie since the past few days, is another story all together.

Another new development is the fact that me and tj have been like big pillars of support for each other since the past few days. Both of us keep inspiring each other to study. Dunno how much good it has done.Tj must have developed "lasha phobia" thankz to all the trouble that i've been giving her. Still…for a person like me, who needs to be motivated hundreds of time each minute, things haven’t been easy. Every bit of help is most welcome specially when out of the blue, things that have been buried far outta sight, reappear.

Also, of late I have been doing things that I enjoy doing, rather than do things which I should be doing. I’ve been busy sketching, listening to music and helping my parents in one of their projects, which has given me a great opportunity to actually discover what I like doing and stuff that I am good at.

SRK has been doing a great job on KBC (though “some” people may not quite agree with me:P) I miss no episode of it. I simply love has dry, sarcastic, typical “Scorpio” wit (okay tj…stop flying babes) I feel its very wrong of people to compare him to Big B. both of them have their own style and approach towards the game. And you have to agree he gave that he gave that teacher from “jeend” a good one by going and giving her mother the cheque, instead of giving it to her. What an attitude she had!!!

Thankfully, Coffee with Karan has again started. I use to watch it religiously in my 10^th STD. Its kinda fun to watch. Atleast better than those “saas-bahu” serials, where the protagonist dies n number of times, gets married 2n times and is betrayed 3n times.

Finally….i dunno when I’ll be able to put up my next post and I dunno WHAT I’ll be putting up as my next post, but I serioualy hope I don’t have to put up the thing I think I will have to put up as my next post. So basically, since um losing my head and writing all rubbish, I think I should wrap up and concentrate on the chemy exam that I have tomorrow. (yeah!!! What a waste of valentine’s day. *sob sob*)

What is the world coming to????

I sometimes wonder, how selfish and stupid some people can be. I mean, I have seen and met quite a few characters who fit the bill perfectly, but what I saw yesterday was “the height”. I had a test at my tutorial yesterday, and there was this girl sitting in front of me. I’ve know that female since my school days. I knew what kinda girl she is and stuff, but, I guess I had not received a dose of her *ahem* antics since a long time. So yesterday, while the rest of the students sat and broke their heads over the stupid and annoying chemy paper, I sat bemused at God’s creations. Lol!!!

p.s. um gonna refer to her as “D” :P

First, it’s necessary for me to kinda give an idea about our seating arrangement. I sat on the 3^rd bench (thankfully alone). “D”sat right in front of me. Next to her sat another girl who was also in my school .To the right of “D” sat an extremely intelligent but quite a stupid fellow , who is in my batch at the insti.

So basically, as usual, “D” had not prepared for the test (or so it appeared). After about 1 and a1/2 hour into the test, “D” frantically looks around to search for a bakra who could help her answer at least a few questions. So she looks around and spots that fellow to her right. Since both of them were in the same batch at the insti before that guy shifted to my batch, she started pleading before him to give her the answers.

D- “please tell na… I don’t know anything in the short answer section. Please help me out.”

Guy – “array…even I don’t know yaar”

(quite good of him to lie to her:P but as it is not easy to fool a fool…..”

D- “array kuch toh batana. Please.” She goes on coaxing him to tell her the answers.

Finally,the guy melts.

Guy – “okay… I’ll write it on the question paper and give you”

D is very happy. She nicely takes the answer, copies it down to her own sheet and returns back the paper to that guy with a “oh!!!! U’re such a sweetheart” look.

Yucksie…. I was already feeling sick!!!

After finishing all this, D suddenly notices the girl to her right. Apparently the girl too was not prepared for the exam. She looks at “D” with helpless eyes.

D- “what happened??? You didn’t study for the test???”

Girl-shrugs her shoulders. She was thinking D would help her. (so was I. lol!!!)

D- “*chuck chuck” what yaar… tests are approaching. You should work hard. No problem. Learn from your mistake and next time study and come.”

With this, D nicely packed her stuff , submitted her paper and walked off, leaving both the girl and me stunned.

So well…..there ARE such people in this world. God bless the ones who sit next to them in the examination hall.