Its 10:30 in the evening and iam sitting outside my hostel. The thought of going into my hostel , despite having an official perm till 1 (thanks to my dance practices) seems very foolish. Iam not exactly in the best of moods. Just one of those same stupid mood swings, I guess. I am lost in thoughts when a group of friends pass by. Inspite of being in an awful mood, I smile and wave a wannabe-cheery “wassup”.

This is one incident, which has happened to me loads of times. Not just in college, even in many social gatherings. This is what is generally termed as “social obligations”.

Now, after having spent 5 months in college, I have finally realized the importance of these social obligations but that does not make me change my opinion about it. I still don’t get any valid justification for it. I still don’t like the behind-the-mask personality. Why cant we just be ourselves? why do we have to smile when we dont feel like? why do we have to be cordial to people whom we hate from the core of our heart? Why this two faced personality? All this just because we live in a society and well, havta be good to everyone for well.... our own benifit??

It may arise from the fact that there are loads of people around all the time and there are some emotions which one may not want to display in public.

*sigh* I wish life was not so complicated. I wish I never felt lonely despite being surrounded by 20 other people. I dunno if its just me or there are others who feel the same way. It is as if when you want to be alone, no one allows you to do so. And when you are in the mood to party, there is no one to accompany you and enjoy with you. I wonder why my tastes are so different from the others. I just can’t seem to figure it out.

Does life in a hostel do this to you? I have seen many other friends also go through a similar phase aswell. Iam too frustrated to think bout it now. Probably a good night’s sleep will help me gather my thoughts. It always does. And well…if not for anything else, I like these “weird phases” because it atleast gives me the chance or blog:P

It kinda becomes mandatory in order to achieve peace of mind.

blah!!!!

Why am I feeling so restless today? This place is not new to me. This is what I chose for myself and I have no regrets bout it. Absolutely none. Its probably the fact that um not feeling well today coupled with…well…home sickness that’s making me feel so weird.

Dunno….

Guess I will take a few days to get into the mould of things,but I don’t wont those few days to be HELL! And to top it off…its my birthday in a few days…(shhhhh!!!! I don’t want too many people to know) lolz…see…how confused I am??? Writing it in my blog and not wanting people to know. Heheee…

Um feeling too dirty…guess should have a nice hot bath…after that 12 hr long bus journey…that terrible journey…twisting and turning in that highly uncomfortable seat. *disgusted luk* and then all that unpacking, cleaning the dust….heheee…hostel lyf doesnot sound too inviting, does it?

But then again, it’s the way one looks at thing. Probably another few hours of sleep will do me good (and that’s gonna make it like some 14 hours that ive slept).

Anyways…adieu till my next post which um sure I will write in a much better mood and which I sincerely hope will be quite soon :)

College...

Sheesh!!!! Its been 4 whole months since i blogged!!!! Well....its been 4 months since i joined college too. Life has been SO busy that ive barely had time to sit and gather my thoughts. I have to admit that there have been loads of instances when i’ve wanted to blog but i just couldn’t due to many reasons :P and yes...i would like to partly blame it on the unavailability of WIFI in our block. Now that we have FINALLY ( yes...i hope iam able to convey the sense of relief i experience, through my words) got wifi, i promise to try my best to be as regular as possible with my blog.
So, lemme first introduce to you the members of our madhouse (its really surprising how iam able to find crazy people like me where ever i go. I must not be DAT crazy you know...*thoughtful look*).
1> Shi- (my roomie)- well....this is one thing i HAVE to thank orkut for. She was the first girl from my college whom i met online, and since we kinda had similar choices and didn’t want to be stuck with a complete stranger in our first sem in college, we decided to become roommates. And am i not glad for that!!!! We seem to be SO similar!! There is loads we have in common, from our past experiences to our liking for dance, our choice of movies and music, etc etc. So basically, though she can be VERY careless at times and irritates me with her endless talks on the phone (she can be on the phone for hours!!)...um happy sharing a room with her.
2> Sun-(my neighbour)- the three of us, i.e sun, shi and myself, bonded from the time we were in the 7th block (our temporary hostel block which its own stories and incidents, about which i shall blog some other day;) ) man!!! She is such a hypochondriac!!!! We are really dreading the day when she might fall sick (though i hope it never happens)coz if that happens then she’ll either drive us mad, or herself become insane.We keep pulling her leg and she too get back at us whenever she can. Its almost like the three of us share a room . Another very “prominent feature” of sun is that she has this very irritating habit of dropping almost everything she holds (sheesh!!!she’s definitely gonna throttle me if she ever comes across this post :P) and you HAVE to keep your food drawer locked when she’s around coz if you don’t you find anything left in it with her “only one bite”. But jokes apart, she’s a sweetheart. We can bitch bout anything and everything under the sun and both of us love gossiping and eating ;)
3> Mek- Dunno where to start writing bout her from. She can be a lil baby and and at the same time one of the most mature person for her age , if she wants to. I love pulling her leg because of her fetish for “Bahrain ki coke”, “Bahrain ki coffee”, “Bahrain ka pizza” etc etc... She’s one person you can bank upon to accompany you, whenever you wanna go somewhere or do something. This chick can’t say no! And guess what??? She too is crazy bout astro related stuff!!! Man!!! I was so glad to find someone with whom i could discuss bout all this.
4> Sho- she’s the intellectual one in our group. Loves to go deep into philosophical stuff. You should see her belly dance!!! She’s awesome! A gem of a person. By the way, mek and sho are also roomies and since their room falls on the way to our’s , we always end up stopping by their room whenever we pass that way, and once we do that nothing can stop us from gossiping for hours (unless sho gives her “enough-lets-study-now” looks during exam time:P)

Um seriously very glad to have found such a wonderful group of friends here so soon. Oh yeah...i must tell you bout our “bhookad club” headed by mek and sun. All of us are big foodies and love to visit the night canteen or the “coffee dabba” in our block just 5 minutes before 12 (coz the canteen closes at 12 and so does our hostel door.) We love to give the matron “we-r-feeling-very-very-hungry-plz-let-us-out” looks just before 12 and leave her grumbling bout how she cant even go to sleep peacefully at 12. Wicked...aint it *devilish look* .Thank goodness, all of us love hanging out, going to the disc and doing “bakchodi”:P . in short, we rock!!!

THE LAST GOODBYE

Tonight the clouds shall weep again,

The moon shall hide its visage,

The leaves will rustle their goodbyes,

And the stars will hold back their rays.

One last look, one last gaze,

One last tear …..

This gush of emotions

Is leaving me fazed.

The thought of a new life beckons me,

But what I am leaving behind

holds me strong.

My reasoning power fails me,

It tells me I am wrong.

I cant leave things so precious,

so dear to my soul.

I cant leave behind a part of myself

as I move ahead, hunting for more.

But decisions are taken.

Plans are made.

I can do nothing but stick to them,

resolving, to never-ever let the memories fade.

As my friends bid me adieu

with teary eyes…..

my family hugs me one last time,

an emptiness creeps into my being,

I feel devoid of life.

I can never return back

the humungous amount of love ive got,

can never find people like these again.

But the little that I can do

Is to make a promise….

To be there for them

Whenever they need me;

in both happiness and pain.

yay!! my choice is right!!!

Your Learning Style: Curious and Brilliant

k..i havta give credit to tj for this. but see see...its so true for me too:D You are a very abstract learner. You can grasp even the most complex theories. You Should Study: Astronomy Biology Chemistry Computer Science Linguistics Mathematics Philosophy Physics Psychology p.s. no wonder i njoyed chemy and phy too;)

What Should You Study?

0th sense

*sigh* I never knew that blogging would some day become so difficult. I have been seriously trying to blog for the past few weeks, but have failed miserably. Each time, I open a new word document and resolve to put up a new post on my now-almost-non existent- blog, I fail to collect my thoughts and put them down. There is so much to share, but its so difficult to comprehend. I would conveniently like to put all the blame on my sheer joblessness which has made my life quite uninteresting. But nevertheless, this epoch of my life has made me aware of so many things that were always there around me, but I could never really grasp them. I would like to call this as my 0^th sense. (0^th coz it’s the most basic sense that one should possess and well, everyone does possess it, but its just that, we fail to realize it. Or maybe, we can term it as an amalgamation of all the 6 senses. Which ever way u wanna see it, I term it as 0^th sense.)

Thanks to this new sense of mine, I have begun to notice how beautiful the lane in front of my house looks, specially if it has just rained…*dreamy eyes* .

I went up to my terrace after ages, and sat on the roof tiles, getting a magnificent view of the entire neighbourhood:P (this is something I use to do a lot when I was a child).

I realized wat a lotta fun it was to chase my lil cousin all around the house; to emotionally blackmail him, about going away in less than 3 weeks.

What spending time with friends is, specially when u know after a few days u wont be meeting them for God knows how long.

Also, I have again realized how wonderful and exhilarating shopping can be. (yeah…it had been almost 2 years since I went out to the market, to buy something for myself ) *sigh* .

Not to forget my new-found-pleasure in sketching. I could sit and do that for hours.

It also made me realize how much i dislike un-invited, “drop-in” guests at my place. Its not because I don’t like them or something, it mostly arises from the fact that i am pretty hyper and well…dressed in my oldest and loosest clothes at home, which I don’t allow my mom to throw away solely because of the comfort factor. To add to my wunnerful looks, I keep dancing, hopping and shouting, all over the house, playing with my cousins, or singing in a not-very-melodious voice, and it becomes quite embarrassing for me, if all of a sudden, while coming down the stairs, I come face to face with people sitting in our drawing room *sheepish grin* . Er..my parents and family members don’t exactly get very pleased either.

Yes… one more thing. Its not exactly as if I like this 0^th sense too much, cause it also makes my feel pretty foolish sometimes. For example, today in the morning, my comp was not getting switched on. There was some problem with the UPS. I had been trying for 10 minutes to set it right, but couldn’t do it. Just them my bro (whose 4 yrs younger to me) walks in, asks me the problem, bends down, moves his fingers on the UPS (I doubt he did anything. Hmph! ) and well..my stupid comp switched on almost instantly. It made me realize how unreliable and partial my comp is.

Well..well..out of the world of nostalgia!!! Yeah..so basically this 0^th sense is nothing but realization, observation and appreciation . Iam glad I found it and in time too, coz it gave me some moments which I am definitely going to cherish for a long time to come.

SKETCHES -3

Phew!! This one took me the longest to make. Just cudnt get the features right. Not that they are perfect now :P but still…. Much better than what I made in my first attempt. What u see here is perhaps the 8^th edited version of it, after heeding to all the criticism incurred upon me by my mom and my chachis :P they one difficult lot to please :P

This is just ainwai tp type sketch.

Dunno why I sketched this :S
P.S. all suggestions and healthy criticism towards my work is most welcome:D

SKETCHES -2

This is the second “human figure” sketch that ive made. The first one is too pathetic to be displayed:P

This wont exactly come under the heading of "sketches" . rather its a painting.

just a thought

Days are passing like crazy. Cant believe iam already nearing the end of may!! Kiran desai’s “inheritance of loss” has kept me busy since a couple of days, i.e after I returned back from my “extended” vacation (as sn likes to put it). Apart from the regular net surfing er…well orkutting has been happening at quite a rapid pace as well. And yeah… I must mention that sn has got thru “the best” law college in the country but we poor souls have not been considered worthy of a even a small treatL *sigh*.

While iam still on tenterhooks, having no clue what my results will turn out to be like, people all around me have been celebrating, the reason being their results, which have been quite satisfying (or so they say). I admire the sheer hard heartedness of all those people associated with my board, who think its good to delay results and think they are being nice and kind by being the last ones in the whole country to declare results. Pathetic!!! The alternation between hope and despair, is sure as hell, wrecking my nerves.

Yesterday, I was watching Indian Idol (which,btw, is the only tv show I watch these days.) It is one of those very few shows where the viewer doesnot know whether to happy for the selected candidates or feel sad for those who could not make it. There is such a heavy dose of emotions associated with it, that people who are so very use to Ekta Kapoor and her saas-bahu serials, are also awed by it. On seeing the contestants wait for their results, I couldnot help but compare my condition to their. I could actually understand what they might be feeling and trust me, it doesnot feel very good.

Solitude

When the heart aches in solitude,
No gates can stop the tears from gushing out.
Loneliness seeps into every cell of the body.
Happiness, simply seems to retard.


With no emotions left to feel,
no thoughts left to chase,
memories engaged in feud,
her heart ached in solitude…..


Her eyes searched in vain,
for something…..
or maybe someone…….
her head screamed out warnings.
Everything appeared so foreboding.


She wished she could listen to her heart
but there were more important things to be done.
Her life stood on a crossroad.
Too many things she ought to have done,
Even more number of things that she wanted to do.
But how was it possible,
When her heart ached in solitude????


It ached for a friend…..
someone she could open her heart out to.
People who knew her, didn’t know her at all.
Those who wanted to know her,
were never let close enough.
Enclosed within a self-created wall of aloofness,
Where all music was mute,
She lived a life of solitude…..