The Last Time

Why does evrything in this world have a last time to it? Both good and bad thing in life, have to have a last time to them. You realize that what had been happening wont happen any longer. If it marks an end to certain miseries and the bad days of one’s life, then “the last” day is most welcome. But why do the happy moments also have a last time??

Yes…I may not be intelligible to anyone reading this, but today, I write this post in a very nostalgic mood. It feels very weird. I know that changes are a part of life and one must learn to graciously accept them and mould oneself according to what lies ahead. Yet, anything I think, fails to pacify me. Maybe it is because I am a Capri.(Yes, it very true that your sun sign speaks volumes about your behaviour and reaction toward situations. Sn, will u vouch for that please??) Read any Linda stuff and u’ll agree that capris do find it difficult to start their lives all over again, in a completely different environment, specially, if they are very happy with the way things had been shaping up.(no people.u are reading the right stuff. This is MY blog. Not sn’s. I have also got a lot into astro, u know:P)

I remember my last day in school. It was like a tradition and a fashion to cry on the last day of school. Everyone, including my teachers, thought that I would be one of the first ones to break into sobs. But they were terribly surprised to see my wishing everyone adieu with a BIG 100mega watt smile on my face. Infact, I had a few classmates even tell me that they never expected me to leave school that way. But the truth was that I was extremely happy to leave school coz I knew that future could definitely not be worse than the last 4 years of my school life.

But I cant say the same today.i think I have enjoyed every bit of the last two years of my life. I might have been living in a fantasy world all through, but I at least had the freedom to dream. I was able to express myself the way I wanted to. People knew me for what I was and how I did , rather than nurture preconceived notions about me.

But the good things in life always come to an end faster. They are always in a hurry to reach the finishing line. And today, I think I have reached that line. But I am not going to brood over what I am leaving behind. Rather, I am going to move ahead with all the good experiences (and a few of the not so pleasant ones as well) that I have had so that in future, I can always look back at these two years and know that it will bring a smile to my face:)

Lot has happened over the past few weeks. Um even more close to my exams and I don’t know what um doing (definitely NOT studying). It’s very weird when people, who meet me, keep hinting that I look anything but a student whose going to appear for her BOARD exams in less than 3 weeks. The weird part about is that I know that I should be feeling guilty but I actually don’t feel anything. It is as if I’ve become immune to everything. That ive been acting like a zombie since the past few days, is another story all together.

Another new development is the fact that me and tj have been like big pillars of support for each other since the past few days. Both of us keep inspiring each other to study. Dunno how much good it has done.Tj must have developed "lasha phobia" thankz to all the trouble that i've been giving her. Still…for a person like me, who needs to be motivated hundreds of time each minute, things haven’t been easy. Every bit of help is most welcome specially when out of the blue, things that have been buried far outta sight, reappear.

Also, of late I have been doing things that I enjoy doing, rather than do things which I should be doing. I’ve been busy sketching, listening to music and helping my parents in one of their projects, which has given me a great opportunity to actually discover what I like doing and stuff that I am good at.

SRK has been doing a great job on KBC (though “some” people may not quite agree with me:P) I miss no episode of it. I simply love has dry, sarcastic, typical “Scorpio” wit (okay tj…stop flying babes) I feel its very wrong of people to compare him to Big B. both of them have their own style and approach towards the game. And you have to agree he gave that he gave that teacher from “jeend” a good one by going and giving her mother the cheque, instead of giving it to her. What an attitude she had!!!

Thankfully, Coffee with Karan has again started. I use to watch it religiously in my 10^th STD. Its kinda fun to watch. Atleast better than those “saas-bahu” serials, where the protagonist dies n number of times, gets married 2n times and is betrayed 3n times.

Finally….i dunno when I’ll be able to put up my next post and I dunno WHAT I’ll be putting up as my next post, but I serioualy hope I don’t have to put up the thing I think I will have to put up as my next post. So basically, since um losing my head and writing all rubbish, I think I should wrap up and concentrate on the chemy exam that I have tomorrow. (yeah!!! What a waste of valentine’s day. *sob sob*)

What is the world coming to????

I sometimes wonder, how selfish and stupid some people can be. I mean, I have seen and met quite a few characters who fit the bill perfectly, but what I saw yesterday was “the height”. I had a test at my tutorial yesterday, and there was this girl sitting in front of me. I’ve know that female since my school days. I knew what kinda girl she is and stuff, but, I guess I had not received a dose of her *ahem* antics since a long time. So yesterday, while the rest of the students sat and broke their heads over the stupid and annoying chemy paper, I sat bemused at God’s creations. Lol!!!

p.s. um gonna refer to her as “D” :P

First, it’s necessary for me to kinda give an idea about our seating arrangement. I sat on the 3^rd bench (thankfully alone). “D”sat right in front of me. Next to her sat another girl who was also in my school .To the right of “D” sat an extremely intelligent but quite a stupid fellow , who is in my batch at the insti.

So basically, as usual, “D” had not prepared for the test (or so it appeared). After about 1 and a1/2 hour into the test, “D” frantically looks around to search for a bakra who could help her answer at least a few questions. So she looks around and spots that fellow to her right. Since both of them were in the same batch at the insti before that guy shifted to my batch, she started pleading before him to give her the answers.

D- “please tell na… I don’t know anything in the short answer section. Please help me out.”

Guy – “array…even I don’t know yaar”

(quite good of him to lie to her:P but as it is not easy to fool a fool…..”

D- “array kuch toh batana. Please.” She goes on coaxing him to tell her the answers.

Finally,the guy melts.

Guy – “okay… I’ll write it on the question paper and give you”

D is very happy. She nicely takes the answer, copies it down to her own sheet and returns back the paper to that guy with a “oh!!!! U’re such a sweetheart” look.

Yucksie…. I was already feeling sick!!!

After finishing all this, D suddenly notices the girl to her right. Apparently the girl too was not prepared for the exam. She looks at “D” with helpless eyes.

D- “what happened??? You didn’t study for the test???”

Girl-shrugs her shoulders. She was thinking D would help her. (so was I. lol!!!)

D- “*chuck chuck” what yaar… tests are approaching. You should work hard. No problem. Learn from your mistake and next time study and come.”

With this, D nicely packed her stuff , submitted her paper and walked off, leaving both the girl and me stunned.

So well…..there ARE such people in this world. God bless the ones who sit next to them in the examination hall.

The guilt factor

GUILT- this 5 lettered monster surely knows how to make ur life hell. Trust me.. there can be nothing worse than feeling guilty. and u actually don’t need a very big reason to feel guilty. Even the smallest of things can make u feel, “omg!!! I should’nt have done dat. WHY did I do it.???”

I believe that one should never do anything which would make one feel guilty afterwards. But….*sly grin* the tug of war between the devil and the God is not an easy one. The devil’s call is the most easy to hear due to which, I do end up feeling guilty most of the tyms. Lol!! So basically, this tym I’ve come up with a superb plan to get rid of all these stupid guilty feelings that r making life hell. and um gonna do that by blogging bout it. *he he*. After all…its more important to “realize” ur mistakes.

So here I go… um guilty of:

* keeping this space empty for so long.

( and yes, sukrit will have to be credited for that. He askd me n number of tyms “ kya re, blog update nahin karti..”. so basically, he is responsible in making me feel guilty:p

* being online for hours…..

( really…ive become quite a net addict. Must control yaar.)

*of stopping in front of my mirror each tym I pass it on my way to my cupboard, from my table :p ( whoever told the carpenter to place the mirror there??? Not my fault. Wat say??)

* of finishing off all the chocolates in my drawer.( Lol!! My dresses will vouch for that. They curse me each tym I put them on.)

* of attending only I.T classes at college. ( I should not be felling guilty bout this, considering the condition of our college, but still….he!!he!! okay sn and tj. I know u know why um feeln guilty. lol!! )

*of er…um…. Taking out my anger and frustration on people of didn’t have anything “much” to do with it. (plz note: “much”)

*of not being with someone, when that someone needed me the most.

*of bullying my younger bro and my lil cousins:p (luk… even I need to bring out the mischievous side in me)

* of calling my chemy teacher in college “tomato”. (no re…she’s gud. I will miss her.)

and finally…

*of wasting this space and misusing the freedom to blog by writing this crap:P

okay... i needed to add a few things.

*of switching off my alarm and going back to sleep:P ( i wonder howdid i forget to mention this earlier. i mean, i do this each morning and then feel really guilty. actually, i dunno whether i feel guilty bout switching off da alarm on my cell and oversleeping or feel guilty bout da fact dat i shut off my fav song "its da hardest thing" , the mp3 version of which is my alarm tone:P)

*when pple *ahem* tell me that they know how hardworking i am and how hard i must be studyn. (i actually pity such pple coz they dunno how wrong they r. but at the same tym i do feel bad wen i realize that what they say is wat i actually must be doing. lol!!!)

LIFE BEHIND GLASSES

Why is it that the thing one dreads the most is bound to happen??? Well… It kind of happens with me all da time. (With no offence meant to all my bespectacled readers) ,wearing glasses is something I have dreaded all my life.
I remember when I was in 9th, I use to complaint of frequent headaches and was therefore taken to da eye-doc for a test. ( Gawd!!! I Can never forget that experience). He turned out to be quite a character. I was quite scared that I might have to put specs (luk… I know it kinda sounds silly but I really didn’t want to wear one. Seriously…). Er… so…. I kinda got all scared and stuff and well…yes… I hate to admit but i… kinda started sobbing …( gosh!!! Cant believe that um actually writing all this..) anyways. So da doc who was quite a maniac (not to mention “mmh”) and considered himself to be a psychiatrist or a counselor or something gave me and my mom a gud one hour lecture on parental pressure, peer pressure, and its ill effects and how we poor children cant cope up with it and the growing competition that we have to face and how we cant talk to our parents about it and blah…blah…blah…. Infact the first thing I checked after coming outta that maniacs room was whether we had entered the right room or not ,or whether by mistake, got an appointment with the wrong doc or something. I mean, he had all those eye-testing thingies in place all right, but somehow didn’t appear to be an eye-doc. Lol!!! He was an item piece and I prayed I would never have to face him or someone like him ever again in my life. ( u cant blame me for dat!!!)
But… as it always happens , the irony of life, I had to face him ( p.s. he’s suppose to be da best eye- specialist in town) again some months back. This time I was sure I was not gonna be as lucky as last time to come home just with a headache. I was sure that a pair of specs wud be definitely be accompanying me home. And voila!!! I was correct. I had kinda mentally braced myself for my “encounter with da demon”. Infact this time I was in for a surprise. He was kinda happy with me or rather pleased with himself that whatever “gyan” he had given me da last time had been nicely eaten and digested by me. I was not sobbing this time *rolling eyes*. As if I wud ever again do that!!! Huh!!! He was quite surprised to see my new, full of confidence and “um not scared of any damn thing” avtar. So anyways. He quite happily told me that I would need to wear glasses and wrote the prescription and stuff.
U know, when u know that u have no other option but to do something, u kinda get prepared for it and infact start enjoying it. Well… dats exactly wat happened. ( I think I owe a big thanks to some other factors as well ,which made me get outta my mind blockage on wearing specs and stuff). Rather,its gud to see what life, behind the glasses luks like. Hey!! Come on guys… atleast I have experienced something more in life than all those people who have never worn glasses!!!!! He!!he!!! I think everyone, at some point of time, should definitely experience it.. Seriously…. Lol!!!!

THE LAND UNKNOWN

I wanna run away
to “the land unknown”,
where nobody knows me
and there’s no one I know.


Where I can be myself,
where I can live my life
not pretending to be someone else
but be what I am.


Where I don’t have to “answer” anybody
where I don’t have to “ask” anyone
where I don’t have to bother
about what others think,
where I can mould my life as I want.


Where there are no expectations
where there is no one to expect anything
where there are no traces of the past
where I can soar high, in the blue sky,
beautiful and vast.


I wanna run away
to “the land unknown”.
where no body knows me
And there is no one I know.


Where I can weep my heart out
in solitude,
where there’ll be no one to see me cry,
where there’ll be no eyes
looking at me, pitying me.
Oh!!! How I hate those eyes!!!!!


Maybe there I will put down my guard,
let go off the fear of being hurt.
Let go off the fear of hurting anyone,
coz there’ll be no one to hurt.


O God!!! Where will I find
“the land unknown”,
where nobody knows me
and there is no one I know????


Where I can bury my past
And build my future.
No secrets to keep,
nothing to hide.
Where life will be one merry-go-round trip.
And above all……
Where I can be what I am.

CHOCOLATE WOES

The first drawer of my study table is usually stocked up with loads of chocolate. Um not much of a chocolate eater (i.e. if u leave aside chocolate pastries and chocolate ice-creams ……hmmm!!!!! I can hog on them anytime…). My lil cousins ( who naturally love eating chocolates), keep getting them and since they are forced to get one for me too, they half heartedly come and give it to me, hoping that I would refuse to take it and then they’ll have the pleasure of eating two. But…..* evil grin* I don’t give them that pleasure and nicely keep it in my drawer after they leave my room.
It may sound weird but this is what I do. I keep my drawer always stocked up. Its only when I am mentally unwell, depressed or frustrated, that I take out my “lil treasure” and binge on it. I know that its terribly bad for my health but I cant help it. It makes me feel better. In any case, I think this is a much better thing to resort to, rather than getting addicted to other “stuff.”



p.s. my “lil treasure” is fast depleting these days!!!!!!!

I GOT A PUPPY!!!!!!!

Yep!!! Dats true!!! I got a puppy. He’s soooooooooo cute. He’s just 2 months old. Got him on Tuesday (14th nov). He’s a “spitz”. Haven’t named him anything, as of now, but I call him “naughty.” He’s one brat. Will chase u all around the house. He just loves to be pampered .( he!!he!!!he!!! he’s definitely “my” dog. Lol!!!!). since he’s really small, he’s to be fed only “cerelac”.

He’s my 3rd dog. The first one I had, got stolen. I was pretty depressed and shaken up after that. When we bought another one, I was really scared of getting too emotionally attached to him. I was afraid I might lose him too.

On Tuesday, I was nicely lazing around in my room, listening to music ( as I usually like to do before going to sleep) ,when I was told that we had bought a dog. I didn’t know that we were planning to get one. It was quite a pleasant surprise for me. I must have played with the dog for 2-3 hours that night . He’s sooo small and so cute. Thankfully he doesnot have sharp teeth coz his favorite pastime seems to be to try and tear off the bottom of my nightsuite. Lol!!!!!!
On the whole, it was a good children’s day gift for me!!!! Lol!!!!!

MISCELLENOUS

*Yawn!!!*…. This is precisely what I’ve been feeling since the past few days. Ive become a big lazy-bone and feel like doing absolutely nothing. Ive been sleeping like a log. Nothing happening in the study field as well.( I know sn and tj will definitely erupt into a huge round of protests, reading this, but c’mon guyz…even I have the right to put my feet up and do nothing for a change.)Winter… the culprit behind this. Who in there right mind would ever wanna come out of da beautiful world of deep slumber??

Also…I must confess that the increasing number of combined classes, with tj and sn, that i seem to be having at my tutorial, has really spoilt me. I mean, its not my fault. Um da only girl in a class of 27 guys. Now…though I might be in quite an envious postion for some of my friends*ahem*, it gets really bugging at times. No one to talk to and specially giggle….lol!!!! but since my wishes are being granted pretty often these days, I have been having the pleasure of tolerating some really pathetic classes, in the company of my friends. I mean, its not the teachers fault dat he wat he teaches is boring right???? So the pic u can c is wat we do to stop ourselves from falling asleep….

. well….this is just a mere trailer of what we do ( i.e sn,tj and myself…duh!!!) . it shows a tabular representation of our mental condition on Wednesdays, when we have a 3 hour maths class. Next to the table u can see all thetas and psi and eppu drawn. We’ve got to do something to keep ourselves alive, right??? tj has got a full copy devoted to all this. Its our life saver. we keep writing whatever we wanna say and keep passing it between the three of us. Me and tj use to do this at our school also…he!!he!!! good old days!!!!!

Guyz….tell me something. Is my handwriting that bad??? The pic u can see on the left, is that of a paragraph written in my handwriting. Okay… I think I can increase the height of my alphabets a bit, but otherwise I think my writing is pretty decent. Wat say???? But, English prof at my college doesn’t agree with me. I had gone to him, along with sn, to see my English marks. I got pretty decent marks. And as he stood there giving us tips on how we can improve our marks, he curtly pointed out,” you need to improve your handwriting. Maybe then , I will increase the number of marks I give you.” Not fair!!!!!!


Damn my comp!!!!! it just automatically shuts down as soon as I get connected to the net. Finally!!! It decided to take pity on me and last long enough for me to post this. As it is , I have had a “superb” *sarcy look* morning. Had to see the face of my tutorials center head whom we’ve christened “yamraj”. Look at his gall!!! Agreed that people cant seem to pronounce my name properly. Abhildasaaa, avilassssa, aubhildasa, abhipsa, avilipsa …. These are just a few of the various forms that my name has taken. But today was the height. “yamraj” calls up one of the teachers to find out if he’s free to take our class in the evening, and in course of the conversation says- “ sir …. woh ….. gupta ,aur aur ek do jan puch rahe hain ki aaj aap class le payenge???”
Gupta??????? * horrified !!!! bewildered*
Me: sir!!!! MY NAME IS “NOT” GUPTA!!!!!!
Yamraj: oh!!! Whatever!!!
I gave him a disgusted look and stormed outta his room.
I don’t know what else I will have to tolerate!!!! God bless me!!!!

ANGRAZEEE ANYONE?????

There is something else which I must tell u guyz. We’ve got this English teacher who teaches English at our tutorial( it’s a complimentary course. had to be, coz no one in there right mind would opt for it by choice!!!!) last Monday, he was teaching us how to write a paragraph on smthn * rolling eyes* . he was dictating it out for the “not from English medium” students. It went something like this…

1. WHY PEOPLE WEAR CLOTHES
Blah…blah…. At first, it is a basic need for covering of the nakedness. (lol!!!) People in the primitive days use to wear barks or leaves (barks?????) but in due course of time they went on wearing clothes due to blessing of science. ( please “science”….bless me that I may pass my 12th…rofl) …..blah…blah….

2. SMOKING SHOULD BE BANNED
(yeah!!! Right… my tutorial is the first place where this should be preached…) blah…blah… smoking is indeed detrimental.( *applause applause* by the way does he know the meaning???) it has become a part and parcel of life of an active smoker. It is indeed mistaken and erratic that smoking enhances aristocratic attitude of a person.( I agree…but it could have been put in a better, grammatically correct sentence)…blah…blah….. smoking makes the man destroyed but at the same time, it makes the whole family ruined.
Person addicted to smoking adopt the ill means such as crime, burglary and theft. ( I must ask the people I know, who smoke, which of the above ,do they secretly resort to????) blah…blah…blah….

3. PREVENTING TRAFFIC ACCIDENT
Accidents happen accidentally, but it is erratic( lol!!!!lol!!! rofl!!!!!!!!!!) keeping in mind the population explosion the roads get conjested……blah…blahh…blah…. Busy roads must be widened and lane driving must be introduced. Short circuit cameras should be installed ( lol!!! I actually burst out laughing. Couldn’t control myself anymore. “short circuit????” and I had been thinking all this while that they were called “close” circuit cameras…..lol!!!!!)

Seriously….. no offence meant. Its just that his classes are hilarious.