Help!

It seems to have a long, long, really long list of things to do.

Ideas for new additions to the portfolio float around aimlessly. Work on a logo design- pending. CAT notes lying tossed on the sofa of the new (read: temporary) bedroom. Two brand new novels aching to be opened and delved into. Some 25 odd, “bookmarked” sites screaming for attention.

It’s numb. Nothing seems to be able to penetrate its seemingly rock-solid periphery and shake the senses into action. The drive seems to be missing. It’s like standing in front of a fast approaching train unable to do anything. Just a few microseconds away from being run down.

It wants to be pacified; be conned it into thinking that “all izz well”. It will all pass. In fact, there is a solid, fool-proof reason that it has concocted. It calls it- Home sickness.

It tries every little trick in book to keep itself occupied. The url of facebook has been permanently embedded in it. It automates the hand to refresh the home page as frequently as human beings tend to breathe. It has also added a calendar to its gadget list, which makes use of a decrement counter. It frequently sends out warning signals but has become immune to receipting any kind of action in this regard.

It is not doing any of this intentionally. I can bet on that. I know it’s trying to be brave. I am trying to help it and please I request you do so as well. Please. Help my brain.

:) :)

Mumbai- A confession.

When you get what you have been longing for more than 1 semester (6.3 months to be precise), the feeling can be quite overwhelming and gratifying (and for a skeptic like me, add ‘unbelievable’ to the list as well). Till the point I landed in Mumbai, found a good PG, went to office on the first day, and began to figure things out, there was this teeny little voice in my head screaming on loud speaker that “It can’t be SO good”. Every moment was like “What next??” .

My first feeling when I landed in this city was like that of a little school girl trying to grasp as much knowledge as she can about the once forbidden world that was slowly revealing a treasure trove of mysteries to her. As my dad struck up a conversation with the taxiwala I opened up my mental calculator and diary trying to make sense of the distances, routes, things to remember and other tit-bits of info that I could gather. As the taxiwala went on ranting about the “immense competition in the taxi business” I kept absorbing the feel of a new place; the city that had somehow always attracted me, this little independent and ambitious bit in me struggling to bounce out and finally enjoy freedom-redefined.

Something that I must sheepishly admit here, is the capability of this city to force you to prove yourself worthy of survival, in order to make you a part of it. As strong as I pride myself to be, the first day that we went PG hunting, seemed to squeeze away 60% of my enthusiasm and confidence. In my opinion, Mumbai can be scary till you find a decent place to stay. Having had the luxury of living a very comfortable life at home and in college, the one room flats with makeshift kitchens, dingy lighting, slowly whirling fans, made me think that was the end of my “fantasy” trip to Mumbai. Even the inmates seemed to be so pissed off with life that I did not have to go to the extent of asking them if they were comfortable in there. Their expressions spoke louder than words. Probably this is one day I will never forget coz it changed something in me.

My mother was set to bring me back home with her and what totally-totally surprised me most was that I was somewhere hoping she would. Perhaps, that brief moment of conflict between my ego, self-respect, want-to-do-something-in-life, will-never-give-up part of me and the don’t-leave-me-alone-please part set a lot of things straight in my head. First day here and I learnt the biggest lesson of my life that life is not a piece of cake. This is something I have always heard but had never found to be SO true. I had a decision to make and I made it. I decided to stay.

I am glad that I did not have to go through the entire process of arguing with my mom trying to convince her to let me stay because the very next day I miraculously found a PG which was much better than I could (or rather my mom could) ever hope for. All was set. Somehow a major argument was averted. I was happy because my mom was happy. Went to Laxmi Mandir, SiddhiVinayak, Shirdi and Shani Shrikhila and joined my training from Monday.

Little did I know that another lesson was in store for me. After waiting for 45 minutes in the grand and elegantly designed lobby of O&M, I finally got my ID card and was introduced to the team I would be interning with. 5 minutes of conversation with them and I realized exactly where I stood (which, trust me, wasn’t very comforting). The enormity of the situation hit me hard on my face, slapping my back into sense.
In short, those were quite troubling times. But I am glad it took a day or two to get use to it. After a week, even office was fun. Went around the town with my PG friends, met an old school friend and exchanged news (okay, its called gossip) about old classmates. Travelled by local trains (which I swear is an experience), stood on the road trying to get an auto for 45 minutes, waded through the rain water and shopped :D

I have finally started enjoying Mumbai :) I have started liking the very thing I hated about this place and that is the crowd in which u always seem to get lost. And the thing that makes me the happiest is that- I Fought My Fears….. :)

So far… so good… :)