Of the new and the old

There is nothing new in feeling this way. I am in no way a unique creation of God conditioned to feel like this in a new place. It happens to one and all, without an exception. Although, the way one handles is could be as different as the Gandhian and the Bhagat Singh's philosophy, it ultimately boils down to the same thing- Change.

Recruitment, job hopping, change of stream, changing schools….I could come up with a whole list of scenarios in which one is faced with the cumbersome task of getting used to a new environment. While for some, this might actually be quite exciting, for a typical Capricorn like me (yes, I do follow Sun signs quite closely), settling in a new workspace, where the only familiar faces are those of Mother Teresa and Kapil Dev smiling out of a poster (which for some reason seems totally misplaced) , this can be quite a task.

It is not that I am an introvert or lack in the confidence to speak to people or make contacts, but my apprehensions stem from the fact that I like to take my time to judge people. So, after all the smiling and after all the pleasantries have been exchanged, I like to sit back and just get a feel of the place. 2-3 days into the new schedule and I can bet you won’t be able to guess in your wildest dreams that I am a newbie.

Another very fascinating thing that I have observed, or rather, that I like to observe is the different people around me. Everyone seems to have their own little story, own way of adjusting to the scenario and the likes and some can be truly fascinating!

To share a few, there was this gentleman in the lift the other day, who was happily chatting away with his son on the phone, coochi-cooing him and oblivious of the fact that every new person to enter the life was giving him the stares before they could figure out that he was using the new wireless headphone and was actually on the phone. There would be the usual furrowing of brows, trying to figure out who was taking to whom and then the look of understanding dawning on the face of the unsuspecting victim ,gradually.

There was also this female who sat opposite to me on the lunch table who was, for some reason, bursting into very funny giggles every 5minutes that kind of sounded like she was choking. In the end I actually looked myself up in the mirror on the adjacent wall to make sure I was not the subject of her mirth. ( I am still clueless about the reason behind her...er…happiness.)

There are actually various categories of people one might chance upon. There are some who take it upon themselves to give you an introduction to every possible fellow employee that you may chance upon (with value added suggestions on how to tackle them of course!). Then there also are a few who can be called the you-know-what (s), who give you all the ex news, the happening news and the future news. Then, the other more serious types who take it upon themselves to fill the editorial columns of newspapers and have award-winning skills at criticizing everything from the government, to the scams to the auto-walas to Himesh Reshamiya. In between all this, there are some like me, who just smile and try to take in sophisticated- corporate circus around them.

On the whole, after the initial hiccups, a new environment is a welcome change, even more so, if the city also happens to be a new one. There is something special about every place. Every city/town has its own charm and I love exploring new cities. My Mumbai experience will be something I will always cherish and now, I am sure Bangalore will try very hard to match up to it.

Help!

It seems to have a long, long, really long list of things to do.

Ideas for new additions to the portfolio float around aimlessly. Work on a logo design- pending. CAT notes lying tossed on the sofa of the new (read: temporary) bedroom. Two brand new novels aching to be opened and delved into. Some 25 odd, “bookmarked” sites screaming for attention.

It’s numb. Nothing seems to be able to penetrate its seemingly rock-solid periphery and shake the senses into action. The drive seems to be missing. It’s like standing in front of a fast approaching train unable to do anything. Just a few microseconds away from being run down.

It wants to be pacified; be conned it into thinking that “all izz well”. It will all pass. In fact, there is a solid, fool-proof reason that it has concocted. It calls it- Home sickness.

It tries every little trick in book to keep itself occupied. The url of facebook has been permanently embedded in it. It automates the hand to refresh the home page as frequently as human beings tend to breathe. It has also added a calendar to its gadget list, which makes use of a decrement counter. It frequently sends out warning signals but has become immune to receipting any kind of action in this regard.

It is not doing any of this intentionally. I can bet on that. I know it’s trying to be brave. I am trying to help it and please I request you do so as well. Please. Help my brain.

:) :)

Mumbai- A confession.

When you get what you have been longing for more than 1 semester (6.3 months to be precise), the feeling can be quite overwhelming and gratifying (and for a skeptic like me, add ‘unbelievable’ to the list as well). Till the point I landed in Mumbai, found a good PG, went to office on the first day, and began to figure things out, there was this teeny little voice in my head screaming on loud speaker that “It can’t be SO good”. Every moment was like “What next??” .

My first feeling when I landed in this city was like that of a little school girl trying to grasp as much knowledge as she can about the once forbidden world that was slowly revealing a treasure trove of mysteries to her. As my dad struck up a conversation with the taxiwala I opened up my mental calculator and diary trying to make sense of the distances, routes, things to remember and other tit-bits of info that I could gather. As the taxiwala went on ranting about the “immense competition in the taxi business” I kept absorbing the feel of a new place; the city that had somehow always attracted me, this little independent and ambitious bit in me struggling to bounce out and finally enjoy freedom-redefined.

Something that I must sheepishly admit here, is the capability of this city to force you to prove yourself worthy of survival, in order to make you a part of it. As strong as I pride myself to be, the first day that we went PG hunting, seemed to squeeze away 60% of my enthusiasm and confidence. In my opinion, Mumbai can be scary till you find a decent place to stay. Having had the luxury of living a very comfortable life at home and in college, the one room flats with makeshift kitchens, dingy lighting, slowly whirling fans, made me think that was the end of my “fantasy” trip to Mumbai. Even the inmates seemed to be so pissed off with life that I did not have to go to the extent of asking them if they were comfortable in there. Their expressions spoke louder than words. Probably this is one day I will never forget coz it changed something in me.

My mother was set to bring me back home with her and what totally-totally surprised me most was that I was somewhere hoping she would. Perhaps, that brief moment of conflict between my ego, self-respect, want-to-do-something-in-life, will-never-give-up part of me and the don’t-leave-me-alone-please part set a lot of things straight in my head. First day here and I learnt the biggest lesson of my life that life is not a piece of cake. This is something I have always heard but had never found to be SO true. I had a decision to make and I made it. I decided to stay.

I am glad that I did not have to go through the entire process of arguing with my mom trying to convince her to let me stay because the very next day I miraculously found a PG which was much better than I could (or rather my mom could) ever hope for. All was set. Somehow a major argument was averted. I was happy because my mom was happy. Went to Laxmi Mandir, SiddhiVinayak, Shirdi and Shani Shrikhila and joined my training from Monday.

Little did I know that another lesson was in store for me. After waiting for 45 minutes in the grand and elegantly designed lobby of O&M, I finally got my ID card and was introduced to the team I would be interning with. 5 minutes of conversation with them and I realized exactly where I stood (which, trust me, wasn’t very comforting). The enormity of the situation hit me hard on my face, slapping my back into sense.
In short, those were quite troubling times. But I am glad it took a day or two to get use to it. After a week, even office was fun. Went around the town with my PG friends, met an old school friend and exchanged news (okay, its called gossip) about old classmates. Travelled by local trains (which I swear is an experience), stood on the road trying to get an auto for 45 minutes, waded through the rain water and shopped :D

I have finally started enjoying Mumbai :) I have started liking the very thing I hated about this place and that is the crowd in which u always seem to get lost. And the thing that makes me the happiest is that- I Fought My Fears….. :)

So far… so good… :)

Let go....

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you look back upon certain incidents in the years gone past and loudly proclaim “Omg!!! I can’t believe I fell for that! “ or “Damn! I can’t believe I did that”. And thats when you suddenly realize that you have grown up. It’s like, life through the rear view mirror always brings an expression amalgamated with smiles and shocks, to our faces and of course, there is this realization of sorts which puts any-time-ready-to-think thinkers like me into an incessant cartwheel of totally totally random thoughts.

So many times, the standards you measure events, people or situations against, are themselves baseless. Presumptions can certainly lead to some very seriously wrong assumptions.

:) For all those of you still trying to figure out the reason I wrote the couple of lines above, well….of late as I have (kind of deliberately) forced myself to side away from the usual and finally plunge into the things I ought to have concentrated upon long back. I realized that all this while I had been trying to measure myself against standards that weren’t set by me in the first place and hence can never be correct. I believe that unless you try to make your life better, it won’t become better. So if there is something you don’t like, you have to make an attempt to change it. You have to let go. Easier said than done. I know… But atleast I can say I tried ;)

p.s Hats off to 3Idiots- another revolution brought about by hindi cinema and amir khan in particular. It was something a lot of people needed to see :)

For the child in you.....

A day filled with laughter
A day filled with a joy
A day of carefree, thoughtless actions
A day worth a lifetime.

A day of silly antics
A day without a worry to heed
A day filled with “my favourites”
A day with zillions of dreams.

I ask for nothing
But a day to revive
All that’s gone past
Leaving memories galore.
Of times which were the “bestest”,
And which (as much as I try),
Can come back no more. …

- Abhu

Whenever any “big aunty-uncle” or “didi” or “bhayya” would say, “These are the best day of your life”, I would react like every other child of my age(without exception) by giving them you-gotta-be-kidding-me kinda looks. Schools, books, exams, horrible teachers, the dirty bus, getting up at 5 in the morning, tuition, homework etc etc were certainly not MY idea of life’s best days. But yet again, back then, I was “childish” enough not to think about the other facets of life, which were any day, more cumbersome than these lil things. Yes, the grass is certainly greener on the other side.
Today, standing on this side of the threshold, I would trade anything to go back to those carefree days, when you have someone taking care of you, pampering you, fulfilling your every demand, tolerating all your tantrums. When life was all about disliking everything about school, except friends, the games period, the alu-dum- dahi-vada and puchka outside the "forbidden" school gate, bus ride back home with Tj (where we would code name people and gossip and play antakshari and dum charads or simply look out of the window, in the bus). The dance classes and drawing classes were so much fun!! Going cycling in the evening, playing badminton, fighting with my brother over every little silly things, waiting to watch “Alladin” and “Baloo” and “the little mermaid” on Disney channel were an everyday routine. Tinkle, Nancy Drews , the famous Five and the Secret sevens fed the imagination with thoughts about a world unknown. Milk always went down the drain. Coke, pepsi, uncle chips, maggie were a treat!! Balloons, bubbles and soft toys were a must have. When whatever someone said, had to be true. There were no double meanings, no deeper understandings of things. Telling lies was a taboo. Secrets were meant to be kept. Exchanging friendship bands on friendship’s day certified friendship. The birthday parties, tearing open the wrapped gifts, counting days months before your birthday were an annual affair. When mumma saying "no" meant papa or chachu secretly saying "yes". The two ponytails with white ribbons to school, school picnics, dancing in the lead in the schools annual day celebrations, school choir, the weekly Rs.10 for the canteen, class photographs.....*Sigh* I could go on and on for ever…
From then to now, with each year that has passed by, which every moment Ive lived, I have drifted away from the comforts of that wonderful phase of my life. Today, I don’t feel bad if anyone tells me I am childish or I am not mature, coz that means I am still connected to that best part of my life. I don’t care how big (in numbers) my age becomes, but today I would like to wish myself and everyone who misses their childhood like me,

“Happy Children’s Day”
Cheers!! 

Updates.....

Post started: 5th Nov,09
Post Published:6th Nov,09



I should REALLY feel guilty of actually dedicating a whole new blog post on “updates” on me coz that’s something I should be doing regularly on the blog , but *gulps* I have developed this whole new things where I let things just bounce off me. You know, like stay in a total zombie like state and actually not think too much (or even lil) bout wats going on. Its MUCH easier on the mind. Trust me! So, iam just gonna plow ahead with answering the “wassup??” question bout my life.

1.Firstly I am totally totally irritated coz I haven’t been able to watch a good hindi movie. Okay fine, let alone a good one, I haven’t even watched a stupid hindi movie for so long now!! Some movies on my list-to-be-seen:
a.Wake up Sid
b.Do knot disturb
c.Life partner
d.Blue (optional :P)
e.Alladin
f.Tum mile (releasing right between my end sem examz :X)
g.Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani (Ive been waiting for this movie since the tym I went to ooty and just missd seeing the shooting of this movie by a day near the Destiny Farmstay :( )

(Yeah… iam big bollywood fanatic :P)

2.My laptop is SO screwed up that I ve already got it formatted 4 times in a month and a half and will be going the 5th time today.

3.The internet connection is SO pathetic that half the time I am unaware whether I appear online or offline to my friends. Its actually ridiculous to wait for 5 minutes expecting a reply, follow it up with words like “U der??”, “Anybody home??”, “U alive or dead??” to get back similar phrases in response. Yesterday, while chatting with Dave, i actually asked him "Am i online??" :P

4.Iam reading a lot these days. Finished this AMAZING book “If You could see me now” by Cicelia Ahern. Damn touching and totally the “awww….” –types . And now I ve moved on to “Quantum Leap Thinking” by James Mapes. (Yeah, there is a quantum difference between the two books :P). Next on the list is “Twilight” and Chetan Bhagat’s new one -“Two States”.

5.Iam going through this totally I-wanna-do-something-in-life phase. Its basically a retrospective and analytical phase and Iam not complaining. Its actually fun to try and think of different possibilities. Its exciting! Ive been trying to attend SO many seminars and talks… it good.
6. Ive been totally hooked on to Sudoku these days.

7. Ive been making a whole list of things-to-do in my vacations. Yeah… okay… I do this before each vacation so this exactly isn’t something new :P Cant wait to get back home now.

8.And now... the best one. Me a V went totally crazy two days back (i.e on Wednesday). We made an impromptu plan to just hang out since we both had been quite busy and unable to meet each other. So basically, we took a walk down our fav path to greens (Greens is this really nice garden kinda place with a waterfall and all. Awesome place to just sit and talk especially when the weather is great). We went to “our” spot and must have sat there for almost 45 minutes talking about now-come-to-think-of-it nothing specific , just a lil bout this and a lil bout dat :P Then V (who is supremely hungry ALL the time) made me go to CCD with her (well… not dat I didn’t want to, but still :P)( I must mention that this CCD is in the EDU building which all houses the KMC library which also *ahem* implies that it’s the most conducive place to treat your eyes to loads of CGs :D) After eating-sitting-gossiping-giggling (and repeating this routine for more than an hour) we (finally!) decided to leave. But, the best was yet to come. I somehow spotted this Jealous 21 store right next to CCD (which I had surprisingly never bothered about before) and me and V decided to check it out (Basically I wanted to check it out and dragged V into it :P ) But keeping up with the already-unexpected flow of events, we pulled out almost every top off the shelf, tried it on and posed around in it and ended up buying two very very pretty tops :D Never been this impulsive while shopping!! *Amazed*

Well… I guess dats all that’s been going on, i.e apart from the usual lab examz, Byju cat classes, and some other cant-avoid-as-much-as-i-want things.


p.s The latest three songs on my playlist: Tera Hone Laga Hoon (APKGK)
Tum mile (Tum mile)
Iktara (Wake up Sid)

Rains and me

Yesterday, i was irritated!! My maths paper went terribly horrid. Nothing seemed to be going the way i wanted it to go. I was irritated with the computer science faculty, with examz, with the stupid auto-walas who never have change, with the pathetic food, with food-court (Iam SO not going there again this sem), with the conversation we were having, with the silly jokes, with the total male-freternity and in general, i was irritated with life. At night, I went to sleep, with the thoughts of the vast syllabus stretching out like a runway in front of me. I had made up my mind to get up early (i.e. as soon as my eyes opened) and get to work. But nature seemed to have other plans. In the morning, as I groggily asked my roomie the time (she was already up with her notes in her hand), my semi-conscious mind registered sound of thunder and rain pattering on the window. I sat up, looked outside the window, confirmed that I was not dreaming and went back to sleep with a smile. I woke up an hour later, yawing and stretching, I began to hum the song “It’s a new day….” :)
So, yes! Such a sea change from my mood in the evening. No wonder I LOVE rains! They leave me all dreamy and moody. They fill my being with a new sense of frredom, joy and hope. The sound of it, the smell before it rains, the view after it rains, the cool breeze…. They make my heart soar!! All I like to do is lie on my bed and hear the sound of water falling on the window panes.
Everything looks so pristine and clear and pure and magical! *Dreamy eyed* . Technically, Manipal seems to the most apt place for me (for actually more than one reasons) considering the fact that it literally pours here in the odd sem. Even though that gets a tad bit irritating at times because of the wet shoes and all… I love rains nonetheless:D
The view from the balcony on my floor, after it had rained, is priceless!!! Today, as I stood there taking in the view (and yes, forgetting all about the impending examz) I was reminded of that Nescafe ad in which the girl (in a red pullover) leans out of her window, with a cup of steaming coffee in her hand, enjoying the rain :D Hehehe! Such a bliss!! Those few hours in the balcony seemed to erase everything not-so-pleasant that happened this sem, or over my last two years here, and made me again fall in love with the place. I felt the same way as I had when I was on my way to Manipal, in a taxi, from Mangalore. The same excitement, the same enthusiasm to try out something new, and the same feeling of hope that every new adventure brings with it. I sat there, thinking about all those things on my wish-list when I came here, and tallied them with all that I had managed to do so far. Not bad I must say. In fact it has been a lot better than what I had imagined.
Now, I want to go back home even more desperately, and now I cant wait to start a another sem, afresh. Putting everything behind me. And yes, this time I mean everthing....

p.s this is the first time that I am kinda writing a concluding post to my sem here in Manipal, and I am actually ending it by looking forward to another new sem!! *disbelief* Well… things do change.

To Sn, Tj and Tn......

Disclaimer: A very senti post ahead. Donot read unless you are tj, sn or tn or totally jobless!


“You realize the value of things only after losing them”.
This is almost like saying that the sun rises in the east. I can think of n number of situations when this one line has haunted me. This time as well, I thought about it a couple of days back, after reading this.
Yes, its true that I haven’t LOST as in LOST you guys, I know that you are always gonna be there for me, without fail, and all those things about distance not effecting our friendship is true and stuff….still…

I totally agree with Sn on this and I am very sorry for being SO caught up in my life that I wasn’t able to be the friend I should have been. I can very well identify with the feeling of wanting to have “people who know you” around you. Its just one of those times when you feel like just sitting with someone (maybe not even saying much) but knowing the other person will understand you. It’s about situations when you look at something, then look at each other and burst out laughing even though there wasn’t anything quite funny about the whole thing. All those times, when you just look at each other with a wicked smile and a teasing look in the eye which says it all (it actually says much more than words.). All those code names (remember Theta, epu, psi, gamma(OMG!!), monkey, the CG hunting, the mathematical group???) and all that nudging. I know I don’t need to give you explanations for what I have done( bcoz you understand it better than I myself do). I don’t have to think twice before telling you guys anything. It’s when those tears just fall off your eyes but you don’t feel embarrassed of them.

I do this with the new friends I have made here. It may not be that good or it might be even better. But it’s definitely not the same.
So listen…I DON’T care how busy you keep.I agree with Sn on this and even I want updates from you. NOW!!!



p.s. Thankz Sn. Loved your post.

Iam back!

After some 7 serious drafts and 2 and a half months behind me since my last post, I am finally up with a new one. During this time, I have laughed whenever I enjoyed something, cried when I felt low, was nostalgic when I missed home and “friends”, worked whenever I could, studied during exams and basically filled up more pages in this chapter of my college life. Each time things happened I penned down my thoughts (have I mentioned I have started maintaining a diary, which I started more than a year and a half back :P ) or typed them on word (Thank Goodness we have MS Office!). But something held me back from posting them on my blog and it is something that has been troubling me. As ironical as it may sound, the only solution to this problem that I could think of was to start blogging again! So here iam…

“Life never leaves you empty. It always replaces everything you have lost. If it has asked you to put something down, it’s because it wants you to pick up something better.”

Philosophical, yet true! This is one saying that has kept me going a lot of times since I started my college life (my life of independence and self-dependence will be a better way to put it). Yet a lot of things that I have had to put down still remain very close to my heart and I wish I had not lost them. Be it certain friends, dance or a part of me. By the latter, I refer to the changes that have come in me. I am definitely very glad about most of them and they sure are for the better, but in the entire process I feel I have become an even bigger introvert as far as my feelings are concerned and a lot more cautious. It’s almost as if cocooned myself, in the fear of being hurt. (“Friends have the power of hurting you the most”) This makes me come across as “fake” (as certain people have put it) while others think I live a doubled faced life. *Sigh* I really dunno how to overcome this change. Is it good to be this cautious? Should I simply let people assume whatever they want? Maybe the ones who really wanna know me will break the “wall” and try and know better. What if that never happens? *Phew!* Such confusing and contradictory thoughts swarming through my head! No wonder I am going mad! A couple of days back my roomie was telling me in the morning that apparently at night I was giggling hysterically in my sleep for almost 10 minutes and when she woke me up I said I had gone to Disneyland or some such stupid crap :P God save me! Help! :)

Anyways, I have seen a lot of more of Karnataka this sem (I have seen a lot more of life this sem aswell!) I went to Gokarna with friends. (It was surreal. I could not fathom what had happened on the trip after I came back from it. I was almost in a trance :S and no I certainly don’t drink or dope etc !! There had been such extensive rounds of self-analysis!!*shakes her head*) I also went to Davangere, Kemmangundi and Hanumangundi. There are still millions of places I wanna go to. I really wanna go on a bike trip. I mean I know I cant ride the bike but I can always sit behind someone :P
My monthly expenditure has risen exponentially and my mom tries her best to hide he surprise and apprehensions each time I ask her to put money in my account. I do feel guilty, but I seriously cant help it:P
Anyways… I hope I will be more regular with my blog, now that I feel much better. And my apologies to all my blog readers whose blog I haven’t been visiting since quite some time.



p.s : A friend had sent me this sms almost a year back and I still have it saved in my inbox.
“2 teardrops were flowing down the river. 1 said to the other,”Iam the teardrop of the guy who loved and never expressed. Who r u?”
“Um the teardrop of the girl who was waiting for him.”

Art...

Yeah... iam feeling very creative these days. I agree iam totally out of practise. Your criticisms (constructive if u please...) are most welcome.



i painted this one for my bro. It was given as a school project. I am yet to find gud enuf justification to giving such ridiculous assignments.

Photoshop-1

Yeah yeah.... i dont deny the fact that I am not moody. In fact people who have known me for a decent period of time are pretty aware of my mood swings. But really, I swear these days my mood swings (uh! okay... tantrums) have reduced significantly. My posts stand privy to this fact as it has been really really *stresses on the word with all her heart* long since I ve used the word "mood swing" and "me" together :P
And like I have tried to justify numerous times before, I still stress on how constructive these mood swings and "weird phases " (Ah! there.... it feels so heavenly to use these words after so long) are. Its because of these sudden natural emotional outbursts and behavioral patterns and characteristic traits, which are not so characteristic and habitual these days, that I have managed to create some really innovative and inspirational pieces of art (or so i like to believe :P). Though many would like to disagree to the above statement, so righteously made by a die-hard believer of spontaneous expression and genuine emotions emoted during phases of intense creative outburst, I still stand stubbornly next to this very phenomenon that has made me a proud creator of some fine handiwork.

Today, a hapless victim of yet another similar phase, my latest passion seems to be Adobe Photoshop. Though I had a miniature tryst with this software in my last semester at college, I have fully absorbed the significance and method of use of this unique creation of the human brain, in these last few days. Here’s presenting two of my creations during my first-ever proper rendezvous with this application.

(who said writing rubbish was difficult??? :P :P)

11 to 1

11:00 pm (room)[ have just come back after spending the whole (almost whole) day at the library (aka ISH)]

I can’t sleep. No way! *nods her head* It’s too early. I have loads of do. According to my plan this chapter has to be finished today. Actually I am pretty feeling happy and quite satisfied with my work. So far I have managed to stick to my schedule. Well, that may also be because I do not make unrealistic schedules (or plans) in the first place. *smug look* Just this one chapter and I am off to bed.

11:15 pm

Still feeling restless. I know I have to study. No other way out o it. Exam starts day after tomorrow. Get up and rearrange my desk. Take out the notes. Just then roomie remembers something that she had to tell me. Talk to her for 5-10 mins. Just then another friend comes into the room. Realizing I wont be able to study in my room any longer (and hence wont be able to sleep sooner) I pick up my notes, a rough copy, a pencil, my mp3 player, my cell, wear my slippers and go out hoping to study in the balcony (silently praying that its pleasant and windy there and also peaceful).

11:30 pm

Walk into the balcony. See another girl sitting on “my” chair (my=chair that I like sitting on). Sit on the other empty chair. (The compromising self that I am). Plug the ear phones to my ears. Comfortably put my leg up on the railing and open the page to be studied. “my” chair gets emptied. Almost jump and grab it before anyone else can. Make myself comfortable again and actually, finally start studying.

11:35pm

I realize that I have been the reading the same lines over and over again. Give myself a shake and get back to get some actual effective studying done. Study 4-5 pages, actually understanding every word. Feel happy with myself. Count the number of pages left to be read. Heart sinks as the count gets incremented by 1 with each page that I turn. 13 pages left. Involuntarily thoughts drift into how poor “13” is considered to be unlucky. Feel a wave of sympathy towards it. Just then a couple of junies pass by. A series of “hi ma’am” follows. I smile. It felt good to be a senior.

12:10 am

*panic* OMG! It’s past midnight! I am jolted back to reality. Again start studying. An utterly nasal voise breaks my concentration. There was this junie complaining and cribbing to her dad because her branch got upgraded. *roll my eyes* Talk about being satisfied!!

12:45 am

Almost done with the chapter! Gleefully look around. The corridor is almost deserted. Just then a friend comes up. Sit and chat with her for 5-10 minutes. Then I start reading the chapter again, while she talks to her boyfriend on the phone. Just then, another junie, comes to the balcony and starts talking to her boyfriend aswell. That chick was extremely annoying. Shoot angry and annoyed looks at her each time she raises her voice beyond human tolerance level.

1:05 am

Finally finish the chapter. Sit just staring out towards the road. Can’t help but feel philosophical. Make up my mind to blog and then immediately give up the idea recalling the recent few events where I took out my lappy, starting working on word to put up a post and then gave up. Decide not to waste time. Listen to what was going on around me. (No. this is not called eavesdropping. Not when the volume of the conversation is high enough for anybody within a km to hear :P ). Feel amazed at how different people look at the same things. For example, the area I call balcony was called connector by my friend and corridor by the other girl. While one of them spoke so nicely and softly with her boyfriend, the other used all possible swear-words on him, simultaneously demanding imported chocolates and the 4^th season of “how I met your mother”

1:20am

I collect my notes, pick up my pencil, unplug the earphones from my ear, slip my cell into the pocket of my nite-suite, wear my slippers and humming the song "kuch kam" from dostana (luv the music of the movieand the movie), come back to the room, smiling :)

p.s. examz from tomorrow...!!!!! :O :O !!!!

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WEIRD

Iam at this weird new turn in my life (and I say that not because my horoscope for today says “you are at the edge of MAGIC” :P . It’ s really funny how sometimes what is written in my horoscope kinda puts my feelings into words.) Everything seems so distant yet so near. One second I am exhilarated , and in the next, I am slumped in a corner trying to get away from myself. Like always, I have millions (no actually trillions) of weird thoughts running through my now-partly-non-functional brain. I am so dazed that when I go to collect food from the hostel delivery guy, and meet an old dance-group mate at the gate, I take her to be someone else and blabber something utterly incoherent until she gives me a weird look, shakes me and asks me if I am all alright. I am not going to waste much space writing about the hours spent per day on sleeping (which actually goes above 10) because it seems to be a regular feature during the months of Nov, Dec and Jan (partly in Jan, i.e till my bday )

Jeez!! I will no longer be in my teens in two months *horrified. Mortified. Stunned into silenced by shock and disbelief* Can you believe it?? I don’t. I can’t!! I don’t feel like one. Actually I really dunno how one should feel once they cross their teens. Should they feel all big and mature, ready to take care of any damn situation in their life?? And feel all nice and content at all that they have got and done so far?? (the obvious things obviously pre assumed ;) ) But what if you enter into it without feeling any of the above?? I think I can take care of myself. I have already done that for 20 freaking years of my life. (no actually I’ll change that to 2 freaking years of my life. Coz my mom use to take care of me when I was at home.) But I dunno bout the rest of it. There is a lot more I should have done in the past 20 years. (iam not gonna mention it here, coz well… ahem…I have learnt that my blog is accessible to a lot more people than I can actually imagine :P ) Anyways…guess time cant be stopped and in any case, my roomie (who is already 20) told me it feels just the same even when you enter the new league of 20 something, So I guess it will be fine. I will just have to wait and watch till then.

Yeah, if you have been wondering whats with this weird new turn in my life that I mentioned right in the beginning, I really cant answer that one guys. Like I said its weird. I can feel it. I can sense its presence and know that its fast approaching, but what exactly it is, will be revealed only when it reaches me. No, I am not drunk. (I don’t drink). I guess I ve just been sleeping too much.

p.s. Can anyone please please define satisfaction for me?? I would seriously like to know when exactly one feels satisfied. (coz I truly think all of us have become SO damn greedy that we are never really satisfied with anything.)

p.p.s I just finished reading Bridget Jones’s Diary. It left me feeling even more weird. (now u know why my post is titled weird, don't you?? )

The COORG TRIP (an organiser's point of view ;) )

PHEW!! Today, after almost a month and a half, I have finally taken out time to do nothing! If I was asked to sum up the past one a half months, I would probably not know from where to start and what all to say, because there was SO much happening, that I barely got time to sit and ponder over it (and that’s saying something). But yes, the most significant thing that happened during this time is that I have finally been able to tick off something from my list of to-do’s, which can also be called my dream or my ardent wish.

As a school girl, I had these vivid imaginations where I would see myself in this nice college, doing a lot of “important” “official” work like organizing stuff, or working for an organization. I would inevitable imagine myself running around, getting things done. I had no idea which college I would land up in or how my dreams would metamorphosis into reality. But that’s why I say law of attraction works.

My dreams kind of turned into reality! Yes! I got a chance to be one of the organizers for the REDX trip to Coorg, for the first years. The amount I have learnt during the course of this trip, is seriously not a joke. For those of you unaware of what exactly the job of an organizer is, let me clear your doubts. As far as my understanding of this post goes, an organizer (there are four of them) is responsible for almost everything that happens or is going to happen on the trip. Though whatever they do does require a nod of the head from the executive committee people, still, right from planning the trip to the execution of it, it’s the organizers who are grinded in the mill. Given below are some pre-requisites that an organizer must possess:

(in no particular order)

1. Patience (abundance of it): without this the organizer is sure to go bald with the n number of “ready to tear ur hair out” situations that arise.
2. Self-control- A must for all those people who don’t wanna go sore shouting at all the other people who should be working but are not, and don’t wanna land up with a sever headache at the end of the day, after shouting ,abusing and swearing along with their fellow organizers (and sometimes at their fellow organizers) :P
3. Sense of humor- this is your lifeline. To let the steam off your head, go in for some witty one-liners (which might just turn into pjs if u r not careful) or better still, make music your best companion.
4. Stamina- Yes! A couple of packets of glucose ought to become a part of your daily diet. (unless of course you are use to such a stressful and tiring routine (read- doing bhangra :P))
5. Quick thinking- Ah! This one is needed to dodge your teachers and their suspicious stares when you sit in the last bench, sms-ing your fellow organizers and discussing important stuff like “setting up of info desks, putting up posters, getting the man-com to work” and the likes. And I am not exaggerating when I say that we would be so engrossed in doing all this that by the time we finally looked up from the screen of the cell, the class would be almost over.
6. Insomnia- If you are already an insomniac, it is going to be a cake-walk for you. If you are not one, well… then dude… tough times ahead! Stealing 4-5 hours of sleep per day is an achievement!
7. self-confidence- This is needed when you have people come and take out their anger on you, for no rhyme or reason, and you have no other option but to give them a patient hearing, calm them down and pacify them. In such a situation, you have to be sure of your actions and know that you are not wrong.

I dunno if I possessed any of the above mentioned “qualities”, but I do know that I have matured quite a bit in the past few weeks. My understanding of a lot of things has increased significantly. I have had to deal with SO many different kinds of people that now iam pretty confident of facing any situation that may arise. On a more serious note, this trip has been a totally enriching experience for me. I have discovered lots of things about myself which I probably wouldn’t have otherwise. There are so many responsibilities of an organizer. Before the trip and during it, it’s like you are representing the club before everyone else. You are totally responsible for your actions and your words.

The event is like your own baby. You see is grow before you. And finally, when you see the event being concluded successfully, and have people praising you for your efforts, it feels divine. All the hard feelings, anger and frustration simply melts. All the effort seems worth it.

I dunno when next such an opportunity is gonna come to me again, but I sure am already looking forward to it J Life is weird… u never know when and what its gonna haul at u next. Yes, I use the word haul coz for me, nothing seems to slowly and steadily come in… it’s always….with a boom and a bang!