Its 10:30 in the evening and iam sitting outside my hostel. The thought of going into my hostel , despite having an official perm till 1 (thanks to my dance practices) seems very foolish. Iam not exactly in the best of moods. Just one of those same stupid mood swings, I guess. I am lost in thoughts when a group of friends pass by. Inspite of being in an awful mood, I smile and wave a wannabe-cheery “wassup”.

This is one incident, which has happened to me loads of times. Not just in college, even in many social gatherings. This is what is generally termed as “social obligations”.

Now, after having spent 5 months in college, I have finally realized the importance of these social obligations but that does not make me change my opinion about it. I still don’t get any valid justification for it. I still don’t like the behind-the-mask personality. Why cant we just be ourselves? why do we have to smile when we dont feel like? why do we have to be cordial to people whom we hate from the core of our heart? Why this two faced personality? All this just because we live in a society and well, havta be good to everyone for well.... our own benifit??

It may arise from the fact that there are loads of people around all the time and there are some emotions which one may not want to display in public.

*sigh* I wish life was not so complicated. I wish I never felt lonely despite being surrounded by 20 other people. I dunno if its just me or there are others who feel the same way. It is as if when you want to be alone, no one allows you to do so. And when you are in the mood to party, there is no one to accompany you and enjoy with you. I wonder why my tastes are so different from the others. I just can’t seem to figure it out.

Does life in a hostel do this to you? I have seen many other friends also go through a similar phase aswell. Iam too frustrated to think bout it now. Probably a good night’s sleep will help me gather my thoughts. It always does. And well…if not for anything else, I like these “weird phases” because it atleast gives me the chance or blog:P

It kinda becomes mandatory in order to achieve peace of mind.

blah!!!!

Why am I feeling so restless today? This place is not new to me. This is what I chose for myself and I have no regrets bout it. Absolutely none. Its probably the fact that um not feeling well today coupled with…well…home sickness that’s making me feel so weird.

Dunno….

Guess I will take a few days to get into the mould of things,but I don’t wont those few days to be HELL! And to top it off…its my birthday in a few days…(shhhhh!!!! I don’t want too many people to know) lolz…see…how confused I am??? Writing it in my blog and not wanting people to know. Heheee…

Um feeling too dirty…guess should have a nice hot bath…after that 12 hr long bus journey…that terrible journey…twisting and turning in that highly uncomfortable seat. *disgusted luk* and then all that unpacking, cleaning the dust….heheee…hostel lyf doesnot sound too inviting, does it?

But then again, it’s the way one looks at thing. Probably another few hours of sleep will do me good (and that’s gonna make it like some 14 hours that ive slept).

Anyways…adieu till my next post which um sure I will write in a much better mood and which I sincerely hope will be quite soon :)