Its
This is one incident, which has happened to me loads of times. Not just in college, even in many social gatherings. This is what is generally termed as “social obligations”.
Now, after having spent 5 months in college, I have finally realized the importance of these social obligations but that does not make me change my opinion about it. I still don’t get any valid justification for it. I still don’t like the behind-the-mask personality. Why cant we just be ourselves? why do we have to smile when we dont feel like? why do we have to be cordial to people whom we hate from the core of our heart? Why this two faced personality? All this just because we live in a society and well, havta be good to everyone for well.... our own benifit??
It may arise from the fact that there are loads of people around all the time and there are some emotions which one may not want to display in public.
*sigh* I wish life was not so complicated. I wish I never felt lonely despite being surrounded by 20 other people. I dunno if its just me or there are others who feel the same way. It is as if when you want to be alone, no one allows you to do so. And when you are in the mood to party, there is no one to accompany you and enjoy with you. I wonder why my tastes are so different from the others. I just can’t seem to figure it out.
Does life in a hostel do this to you? I have seen many other friends also go through a similar phase aswell. Iam too frustrated to think bout it now. Probably a good night’s sleep will help me gather my thoughts. It always does. And well…if not for anything else, I like these “weird phases” because it atleast gives me the chance or blog:P
It kinda becomes mandatory in order to achieve peace of mind.
20 comments:
i'll tell you this.. this is the first time in your life that you are by yourself actually.. you are not with your family and are completely on your own.. this feeling of being disconnected from the world strikes you whe you are with yourself.. when u start becoming independent.. everyone goes thru this phase sooner or later.. thats y in the end they say you need one companion u can spend ur life with and not a crowd.. well.. it's all perception finally but i dont want to get into that rt now.. what i want to tell you is.. there's we all are unique and we can relate to one another only cz of a particluar similar quality we share or the particular quality in each other that we like.. it brings us close.. but again we are 2 different ppl.. at hostel u are realising this thing.. when with family, you've already accepted everyone around u and u know that these ppl are alwys going to be around.. but you have to realise that even they have accepted u as u are and even they know u.. therefore there is never a need of pretense... but whn on ur own in a different world which u are tryin 2 make ur own by adapting urself to it.. u are makin an adjustment.. this adjustment is a struggle.. an effort to blend and hence pretense is inevitable and but natural as you aren't sure how the person will react if u act in ur usual way.. thats y i told u.. it's best if u stay as u are.. the ppl who will then accept u as u truly are.. will go on to become ur real friends.. the ones who cannot bear u.. well.. sad to say.. but they were never meant to be urs in first place.. right? so be urself.. no harm in that.. leave no pretense.. act cranky when u want.. act happy when u want.. u dont need 2 change.. u mite get hurt initially as u'll then find ppl who dont accept ur traits moving away.. but then the real friends will never leave ur side and will stick with u thru all this.. and thts how u'll start understanding ppl and this world better :S.. hope it helped! :)
hey suk...cant thank u enuf yaar. u have actually cleared a lot of confusion:) but still..its not that easy. the fear of being left alone is too strong.i always wanted to test myslf which is the sole reason i was adamant on going out to study. now that iam here, there are loads of things that i have to prove to myself and others aswell. in all this chaos of wanting to do the right thing and making the right moves, i feel iam forgetting mysef. i told u naa... my habits over the past few months, have changed drastically. dunno for the good or for the bad:(
load math le.. n habits have changed 4 bad..take that frm me :P
yaar... it happens with many... I share most of your emotions... so chill relax and let go... things will be fine sooner or later..!
@raghu- hehee!! u bet!;)
@abhishek- hey! thankz for reading my blog and commenting on it:) things HAVE to be fine sooner or later or else um going to go insane.
"bieng urslef" always helps.. :)
welcome to life! You so sound like me in my 1st-2nd year. Well, except the dance practice part :P
Jokes apart, to tell you the truth, there's no easy way out. But if you are strong and you are lucky to find some honest, loyal friends, you'll be just fine.
@swap- hey! thankz for commenting on my blog:)
yep...u r probably right. um happy to see that its not just me who feels this way.
@azeem- dats the whole point. being urself is so not possible in this wrld of make belief!!
hey! hope u ve been able to figure somethin out by now abt this...
firstly... dont consider this as a "problem". its just a phase many of us go through... and with time and understanding u ll be just fine !!:)
now the whole social obligation thing
depends on us i think... its our desires that make us behave wid ppl in a certain way...
if we want somebody to befriend us.. we ll be all good to that person...
if we want a “social acceptance” we ll have an obligation... to be good to everyone..
am not advocating it neither am i despising it.. its just how ppl behave and it shud better be left to dem...
ya true... we tend to curb our emotions many a times in the process but if u really feel that u are not that happy that way... u shudnt go on wid it... if u are in a really bad mood... and friends wanna go for a party... u have two options:
1. Go wid dem thinkin they wud feel bad if u don’t go... but then u shud feel gud abt it! And then u hv done it for urself . for the fact that u dnt want ppl to think otherwise of u!
2. Say no to them and be on ur own... now some may think u are an attitude problem but ur true pals will def understand and those are the ones that matter! And at the end of it u are happy coz u ve done wat u wanted!
See its just a matter how we see things... if am ready to be on my own and defy to fulfill any of the social obligations... i don’t hv to pretend, i dn hv to be everybodys friend and in return everybodys not my friend... coz ppl will obv behave wid u the way u do!
So if u choose to be a certain way... realise hows it gonna be...
And its naturally hard fr someone to adjust to this hostel culture which truly involves a lot of pretense and many other things which by now u must be aware of! Its just a matter of time...
What cud be best is... just be urself in whatever situation u are and whichever person u are with.. only then ppl will knw u by ur true character and they ll like u or hate u .. widout pretense... and in this process u WILL find true friends:)
I think iv e written too much..:p tell me if it makes sense to u...?
@ anshul: hey! thankz a lot buddy. u actually made a lot of sense. i um really amazed on how well u have understood whateva i meant to communicate. I know wateva pretence is of no use and trust me, iam myself most of the tyms, which is prolly many a times, pple get the impresseion that iam rude or serious. hehee...anyways...thankz for reading my post and commenting:)
all d best!!!:)
Enough of comments...
But I think I will have to say something... cause it does happen with us all... (or at least with me, even though I have reached my final yr of engg)
yet, its not always necessary.. to be good to all... I mean, it depends person to person... I have seen people, good people, rather the best people I have seen in my life, giving it a damn to what PEOPLE think... they just care about their friends... and they care like anything, but if u r in their bad books, maybe they don't even say a hi to u...
Another thing here- Every body can't do this. Its tough, and needs SOMETHING in us to do it.
I find myself unable to do it. But I think those who can do this live their lives in a true manner. at least 100% true to their own selves.
@harshit- yep... dats true.
Hello...
seems I've bumped upon your blog a bit later,and every post I read makes me read more and more(and tell you what,i've bunked all my 3 first half classes with studies in mind but thanks to you,this is what I'm doin :) )
On a serious note,that's COLLEGE LIFE for you!Out of your hometown(i guess for the first time),where your conversation was limited to family and a very selective,good bunch of people you'd proudly call FRIENDS... and Into this mayhem of college and hostel,where there are 20 people surrounding you every time.
you dont HAVE to be nice to everyone.Sometimes just a blank expression with an imposed smile(and "hi") is sufficient to tell d other person that you're not exactly very fond of them but then,you dont hate them either.. and when you're not in a good mood(i pray this happens more often,as it'll make u blog more and gimme more to read :P) you can always simply walk by or turn your eyes.
I had the same situation awaiting me in hostel but I classify ppl here in 3 groups: FRIENDS(with whom y you don't have to pretend), COLLEAGUES(those "social obligation" kinds) and... ENEMIES... and I hv the following way of treating them.
Friends:you can always be yourself,as they'd understand.
ENEMIES:you care a damn to how you appear to them,isn't it??(anyways,these are very few in my case:
COMPANIONS:These are the trickiest bunch to handle,but then you can always pass them a smile when you encounter them in a good mood.Otherwise,you can just pass by,looking dead straight or take out your cell and start fictious-messaging(trust me,it works wonderfully well,but dont overdo it ;)).
I dont know how much It'd help you but it's been working pretty well for me for the past two and a half years.
I was the most introverted guys till my 12th std who'll always run away from a conversation but thanks to the Hostel life, Here I am.. going on blabbing and blabbing when I dont even know u!!
take care!
@ jayant- wow! this is some analysis that u have made! perhaps, 3 yrs down the line, i might be posting a similar comment on this same post for myself :P
and u actually bunked and ended up reading my blog?? well... thankz... that is very nice of u. :)
Actually,i didnt expect that the so called "comment" would appear as an essay when viewed here.Well,just tried to present my views,may be it could help.
n Manipal(hope u've heard of it) is famous for a lot of reasons other than academics so bunking classes isnt a big deal here :)
@jayant- hahaa! funny u shud mention manipal! coz even iam a student here. :P small word, isnt it?
dont tell me!!!
anyways,great tht you're here.. which branch?
i hope u knw abt the event tht's goin to b organised for us bloggers here by the MIC ppl..
gt in touch n wud let ya knw..
jayant.arianster@gmail.com
Post a Comment